Signs of Toxic Parents And How To Deal With Them

I love my mother to death, I do. I never went hungry, we always had shelter, we had a basement full of toys, books, and every Disney movie ever. She has always helped out family, friends, neighbors, etc even when she didnt have anything to give. She has always let me speak my mind, even if I was challenging her I could say how I felt. I am the person I am today because she always allowed me to be my weird introverted no style having self. But she also fell short as a parent in a lot of areas (my dad as well). I believe, that she believes, she did the best she could as a mother and Im at peace with that (now at least). Sometimes people dont live up to your expectations and thats ok. My issue is that she has this weird manipulative personality and has somehow convinced herself that her kids owe her something because she decided to be a parent.

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Source

Continue reading “Signs of Toxic Parents And How To Deal With Them”

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Embrace your Singleness

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So many girls are brought up thinking that a career, a husband, and a family will complete them. So its no guess that as soon as we are of dating age we are out to find our knight in shining armor. We aren’t taught to focus on ourselves, living our best life and letting the right one find us. Most of us spend the majority of our time trying to mold ourself to be the right girlfriend or future wife, while the majority of men don’t prioritize making themselves a great husband at all.

Continue reading “Embrace your Singleness”

Can I Call in Black Today?

Can I Call in Black Today?


Guest Post By: The Nomadic Blogger

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By now, we are all familiar with the infamous James Baldwin quote about being Black in America. If not, Exhibit A.

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And Exhibit B

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Being Black in America is hard. That is an undisputed fact. It has only gotten worse in the age of social media because now, we get to see the BS in real time.

Over the weekend, the Klan thought it was okay to step out without their pillowcases and sheets. The Lord knew it was imperative to my mental health to take a social media break that day because when I did check back in it was like…

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I don’t have time to get into all the BS that transpired because I’m exhausted.

Every day, we are bombarded with videos of police brutality or some white person physically or verbally assault our brothers and sisters. Or we hear the Celebrity in Chief say and/or do something ignorant and offensive. Not to mention the constant threat of nuclear war because Agent Orange can’t keep his mouth shut! It’s exhausting!

Watching these videos and trying to keep up with this endless news cycle can wear on your mental stability. Just look! Even PBS wrote about the PTSD like trauma Black people experience by watching stuff like all the time. And if PBS wrote about it, it’s true!

And not to mention the cycle of wondering whether the cop is going to pay for his or her actions, knowing the end result. You know they say the true indicator of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different outcome.

That’s why sometimes, I need to call in Black. I don’t know about you all but I am the only Black person in my office. On top of suffering PTSD like trauma from viewing the videos, I have to go in to work and pretend like I’m fine in a sea of YT people. My coworkers aren’t racist at all but they are stuck in their own worlds, which I wouldn’t expect anything else. It doesn’t really affect them. And even with all the rage I might feel toward YT people after these events, I don’t put that anger on them because I know they haven’t done anything wrong.

It’s just not a great feeling to have to go to work and pretend like everything is fine. For example, when Philando and Alton were killed just days apart and the entire world had to watch their deaths on Facebook, it felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. I went to work the next day feeling empty. I knew that my physical demeanor and attitude were visibly noticeable but did anyone ask me if I was okay? When they turned on the news in the morning, did they even see a story about it? If they did, did they even care? All these thoughts ran through my head as I tried to process my emotions all alone. Ya know? Having at least one person connect with me or understand what I was going through would have made the day a lot easier.

For Black people, these videos are a harsh reminder that we could be the next hashtag. While we try to mourn the death of our distant brother or sister, we are also faced with our own mortality. That’s a tough thing to do while punching the clock. We need mental health breaks. If not for an entire day, maybe just a half day or something.

Calling in Black is essential. Just as important as calling off if I have the flu. I not that much fun to be around when I have virus or when I’m angry about all the injustices and prejudice again my people. Just like I need time to heal and recover from a cold, I need time to heal and recover from the mental destruction this country causes me.

This blog was inspired by one of my favorite YouTubers, Evelyn From the Internets. Check out her reasons for calling in black below.

 

The Nomadic Blogger is The Blog About Nothing. Created on the idea of networking and promotion through sisterhood, The Nomadic Blogger makes her home on the platforms of other established bloggers. Through guest blogging, The Nomadic Blogger hopes to spread her world views and messages while bringing attention to her #SisterBloggers. Follow #TheNomadicBlogger’s journey on Facebook and Instagram

Successful Black People- Lifting as We Climb? Or Leaving People Behind?

This picture was posted by @iDailyRapFacts 

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Someone replied asking why he would have his grandmother still living in the hood and the exchange went something like this:

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I commented:

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Went to sleep and woke up with a ton of replies that all made me

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Is this seriously how we feel about our own neighborhoods? But we complain about gentrification when the great majority of us have NO interest in investing in the hood ourselves? We wonder why our neighborhoods are in dilapidated states when we leave to pursue a degree, get a job, and then put our tax money into another communities schools and neighborhoods. Leaving the people in the hood worse off than they were before. The “projects” the “Hood” was once brand new. The way it looks now is a result of the people that are in it. I LOVE how people like to point out white people put us somewhere, and sure they did. But they didnt tell us to not have respect for where we live, to not take care of it. WE did that.

After lamenting about the “Talented Tenth” W.E.B Dubois often talked about the growing class divide between blacks. With most of the black community being able to be thrown in two categories the “haves” and the “have nots”. This still rings true today which is why our communities frequently see things like:

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It frightens me that the Black Lives Matter Movement is being run by black millennials and scholars who largely attribute success to leaving their communities behind instead of making them better. It’s as if we have completely thrown “each one, teach one” and “lift as we climb” to the wayside.

But wait, there’s more….

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If this is how you feel about where you come from how do you REALLY feel about yourself? Moving from around your people to the white suburbs makes you feel better? That’s success? That’s making it? (someone pointed out that there are affluent black neighborhoods) which is true, but you weren’t born there so you’re still leaving YOUR community to go invest in someone else’s. How does that help the people in the hood? Or apparently, most people are saying

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“EVERYBODY FOR THEMSELVES”

 

 


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How will the hood ever thrive if the people that can create the most change leave….?

Our kids are turning to celebrities for role models because all of the college grads got degrees and turned their back on the hood. Its almost as if some black people sole mission in life is to prove that they “aren’t like those other blacks”.

An article by 

“There are certain aspects of black urban street culture that perpetuates the self-destructive behavior that reinforces the cycle of poverty- behavior that helps to keep the black poor impoverished”- Ebony Towers. Those of us that attended college were  FORTUNATE enough to break out of that system.

The only way to completely destroy that system is taking the knowledge we learned back and passing it along. We can not leave our people to suffer while we go on pretending like things have improved for black people because we made a little money. Because we “made it out the hood “as we can CLEARLY see a black man isnt safe anywhere in America. No matter how well you do racists will always turn to “black on black crime” or on the state of our neighborhoods to tell us why we dont deserve to have what they have. And no, not even the blacks that “make it” are exempt.

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We know they give us shitty schools that puts our kids on the school to prison pipeline. 

We know our black brothers and sisters receive longer and harsher prison sentences.

We have to deal with glass ceilings in the job market AFTER we get these degrees. 

And yet we keep trying to appeal to people that has NEVER treated us like human beings?

If not us then who? Who will stop the cycle of poverty in our communities? Surely not the ppl that placed us in it!

A white person posted this meme on twitter the other day:

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This is what they think about Africa and this is exactly what they think about our neighborhoods now.

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Neighborhoods in the city of Detroit.

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The sad part is I think that black people believe and buy into this meme based on them running away from their neighborhoods and into the suburbs as fast as they can.

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Is the only time blacks can stick together/come together for a cause is when some other racial group is discriminating against us?

Is it not the educated responsibility to teach the uneducated?

Do you think the few slaves that learned how to read went around calling other slaves ignorant and illiterate and telling them to “figure it out on their own”? Or did they pass the knowledge on?

Did Harriet Tubman go around bragging about how she escaped and how she was free and how if only other slaves would stop being so docile they could be free too? Or did she come back numerous times and SHOW numerous people the way to freedom?

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Be like Harriet Tubman… the hood needs you, your people need you.


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Rebuilding the Black Community

Blacks have developed a crippling desire to prove their respectability to whites, hoping that once convinced, whites will have a moral epiphany that leads to the dismantling of white supremacy. This obsession with white acceptance prevents the race as a whole from doing what is necessary to completely free themselves from oppression“.- Marcus Garvey


We cannot thrive in a system that was created by them, for them. Yet, we still try and It’s pathetic when you really think about it. They stripped us of our language, and our culture to create African zombie worker bees.

  • We were slaves
  • Discriminated against during Jim Crow
  • Murdered by the Klan whenever they felt like it

Now

  • “War on Drugs” to put us into prison slavery
  • Blacks are killed by the police and not punished
  • Blacks are sentenced to higher jail terms than whites
  • Discriminated against in jobs, in media, in film, for awards.
  • Forced to live in subpar neighborhoods with subpar education

Yet black people are still crying out for white people to have some humanity and treat us equally.

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The reality is we live in a country that reminds us what they think about black people every day.

Post I saw on Twitter:

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Thank you SO much white savior! Thank you for taking me from my homelands, beating me, stripping me of my language and my culture. Thank you for raping our women, killing our men, separating families, feeding us your scraps, and freeing us only to deal with Jim Crow for the next few decades. Thank you for bombing little girls in churches, picnicking during the local hanging, and for killing young black men for “whistling”. We thank you!

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I personally feel like systematic racism will NEVER end. We give them their power by being dependent on them. Its time we come together and show them by our actions we are more than what they think.

We shop at THEIR grocery stores.

Try to get loans from THEIR banks.

Attend THEIR schools and institutions of higher learning.

We work for THEIR businesses.

But demand respect from them, and wonder why we dont get it.

Racist White America be like:

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Lets stop asking for our respect and demand it. We are a strong people that have mastered survival but now it’s time to thrive! 

  • Lets rebuild our neighborhoods. Let those of us who go off and get degrees COME BACK to the hood and share the knowledge.
  • Let us create our own institutions of learning and create individuals who pursue not only degrees but trades.
  • Lets create more entrepreneurs and less workers.
  • Lets police our own communities.
  • Lets create a safe space for youth to go.
  • Lets promote safe sex and teach black women the value of their bodies.
  • Lets teach our black men family values, and how to respect women, most importantly how to respect themselves and other black men.
  • Lets start community gardens and encourage good nutrition and good health.
  • Lets encourage more trades and not make black children feel like if they arent cut out for college they have to rap or play basketball to be “successful”
  • Lets stop acting like we’re helpless and acknowledge that a large majority of us are brainwashed.

Other races tend to teach their children about finances, relationships, health, safety, politics, entrepreneurship, etc. Why is it the black community that lets its children be raised by the television and music? How many kids do you know that can spit rap lyrics word for word but cant tell you about Marcus Garvey? How many black kids do you know that knows white history but not their own outside of the fact they were slaves? Why would you trust white institutions to teach black children?


In researching for this blog I stumbled upon this interesting article by Dr. Boyce Watkins about black people being brainwashed he stated that allowing these things have lead to our detriment and I agree 100%:

  1.  Letting our oppressors educate our children, medicate them, and put them into the school-to-prison pipeline.
  2. Believing that white people are supposed to give us jobs when we can actually create them on our own: ” Given our long and rich history of working for white people, it can be difficult to see ourselves as the boss instead of the laborer.  In fact, even us “educated” black people were often told that you should study hard in school so that some white-owned company will love you enough to employ you.  Now, we’re seeing Harvard MBAs in the unemployment line, struggling to survive, like lions raised in the zoo who are starving to death because they were never taught how to hunt for their own food.”
  3. Thinking that every black person who goes to prison is automatically a bad human being.
  4. Eating food that is going to give you diabetes and/or heart disease and/or high blood pressure and/or chronic obesity by the age of 45.
  5. Valuing sports and entertainment over education
  6. Believing that black people you see on white-owned TV networks are supposed to be leaders or role models to your community
  7. Believing that every tax refund check and every paycheck is supposed to go straight to the mall to buy overpriced European brands from companies that don’t even hire black people.
  8. Thinking that being “rich” means having a high paying job, a big house or a fancy car, even if it’s all financed with debt.
  9. Giving your money to white businesses and avoiding the black ones
  10. Thinking that we’re all supposed to vote for the Democratic Party in every election
  11. Believing that Africa is a poor, dirty, horrible place with nothing but poverty and disease, and that you should thank your lucky stars you were “blessed” enough to live in America
  12. Believing that Harvard and Yale are better than Spelman and Howard
  13. Not realizing that both Spelman and Howard were founded by white people
  14.  Not realizing that most of the people who founded the NAACP were actually white and that this organization never really belonged to you in the first place.
  15. Thinking that straight hair is “good” and black hair is “nasty,” then giving all of your money to Korean beauty shops so they can make you feel better about yourself. 
  16. Believing that light skinned women are more attractive than those with dark skin
  17.  Knowing nothing about African history, but believing that every great accomplishment occurred in Europe, starting with Christopher Columbus “discovering” a country that was well-populated thousands of years before he arrived.
  18. Believing that you’re only supposed to pray, march and be peaceful every time your children get slaughtered by whites.
  19. Delivering your prayers to a big, white Jesus who will solve most of your problems for you, as long as you give money to the pastor.
  20. Believing that integration was a sign of progress for black people and not an era where black institutions were destroyed and left for dead
  21. Believing that Martin Luther King is more important than Malcolm X because white people market him more regularly
  22. Thinking that its normal to have an all-black neighborhood with a mostly white police force, when there are no all-white neighborhoods with a mostly black police force
  23. Thinking that the first black (fill in the blank) to get into a white institution actually represents progress, even though whites have never considered it be progress to get into our institutions (Does standard White History include a story about the first white man to get into Morehouse?)

When I say he went IN on this article!! You can read it in depth here 


We put way too much faith into this great white savior that has NEVER had anything for us. Only their hammy downs and scraps that our hard labor paid for. When will the black community come together and stand up and say enough? Why can we build the entire United States but need the white mans help to rebuild our own neighborhoods?


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CHERISE