Dating Someone with Kids. Yay or Nay?

For me, personally, Id have to say,

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Absolutely not! 

My ex literally had the worst possible baby mama that you could ever have. Just for education purposes lets review the different types of baby mamas one could have. (Baby fathers are not exempt from this, but I cant comment on how a baby daddy can behave).

Baby Mama Level 1: “Accidental Baby Mama” 

May have been your girlfriend when she got pregnant. May still be your girlfriend now, got pregnant by “accident” but kept it due to moral reasons or due to the relationship. He hasnt made her a wife just yet so she’s sitting in limbo. At this level, the female either eventually marries her babies daddy and upgrades to a wife or stays in forever baby mama land.

Baby Mama Level 2: “Child Support Check Baby Mama” 

This baby mama has been plotting on you. She see’s how you treat your girlfriend and or wife. She see’s you out here shining and she’s just trying to be down by any means necessary. THESE ARE THE WOMEN THAT TRAP MEN. These are the women that use their kids as a 9 to 5 because they only conceived them for the purpose of being able to put the man on a leash, or be taken care of financially. (As most BM’s in this category soon find out this blows up in their face most of the time -unless you land an NBA baller).

Baby Mama Level 3: “Needs an IUD Baby Mama”

These are babies born from a fast and loose woman. All for a nice time, “easy”, usually doesn’t care if the man uses protection or not. Uses plan B, abortions, and everything else BUT birth control. More than likely has multiple kids with multiple fathers. She could be a hoe or could be someone who cant live without being with someone- no matter the costs. For these types of people, low self-esteem is common and they operate under the “being with someone, ANYONE, is better than being alone” philosophy. So they’ll keep having babies hoping the next man and the next man will stay.


So now that we had that brief baby mama lesson. She was for sure a mix of baby mama levels two and three. Completely delusional, and to top it off, illiterate. Im not even just hating like real life illiterate. The type of female that makes you look at your mate and question how could they possibly be with you if he was attracted to somebody like that.

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She did not respect our relationship and literally used to hold her son hostage. “If you’re with her you cant see your son.” “You dont want to be a family so you cant see your son.”

Then she would want to argue on social media.

Her: “Thats why I have his son, his FIRST son, his FIRST child.”

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Me:

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and thats why I actually have him.

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Because any female with ovaries can do that. Whats your point? You got the son and I got the whole man, with the sperm included to make more kids.

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At some point, I figured I should just remove myself from the equation. Because it got to the point where she was forcing him to choose between being with me or spending time with his son. It started to become a competition between us. What she could get him to do as a baby mama vs what he would do for me as the girlfriend.

I started wanting him to neglect his child just to prove a point to her and thats when I knew I needed to just remove myself from the equation.

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And Im glad I did because now he’s in prison.

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So she gets to be a single mom.

And guess who got to walk away with no loose ends?

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Me!!!!

Bet you wish you didnt have that baby now!

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But now Im scarred for life and have no interest in dating someone with a kid. To be specific this is EXACTLY why I dont want to date someone with kids.

  1. I want to experience being a new parent together
  2. I think that kids suffer in blended families. No matter how hard you try to make things work someone gets the short end of the stick.
  3. Their kid comes first, always. Not you.
  4. Dealing with a bitter baby mama
  5. You’re always expected to be the bigger person when the baby mama is childish.
  6. Walking on egg shells with the baby mama for fear she will not let your boyfriend see his child.
  7. Having to deal with the baby mother wanting to do things as a “family”
  8. Having to deal with the baby mama needing a little extra “help” on bills. And him giving it to her because at the end of the day its “for his child”
  9. Having to deal with the mother turning the child against you.

So Its going to be a “no” for me and any guy who already has kids. Would you date someone with kids? Have you dated someone with kids? Are you currently with someone with kids? Or are YOU the crazy baby mama if you already have kids?

 

Id love to hear from you!

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Facebook: Cherise Floyd

Instagram: Nsorommaa_

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THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!
WITH LOVE,
CHERISE
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Dating Deal Breakers: Lets Talk about it Thursdays

A friend and fellow blogger Shawn J Ransom posted this question on FB this morning.

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The responses from his friends did not disappoint.

Responses from women were:

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  • Not being a Christian

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  • Being disrespectful

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  • Smoking Cigarettes

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  • Lack of Empathy

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  • Lack of Hygiene

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  • Being a Mamas boy

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  • Being inconsistent
  • Liars

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  • Alcoholics

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  • Having Bad teeth

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  • Lazy

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  • No ambition
  • Doesn’t cook

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  • Sags pants

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  • Having a girlfriend

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  • Lack of respect for his mother
  • Small uhh “package” 

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Responses from Men were:

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  • Being late for dates

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  • Lazy

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  • Rude

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  • Lots of kids

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  • Ugly feet

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  • Being self-centered

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For me personally, I would have to agree with everything that the ladies said. But I would have to add:

  • Not having steady employment
  • Irresponsible with finances
  • Spending too much time on social media

What are some dating deal breakers for you?


Id love to hear from you!

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Facebook: Cherise Floyd

Instagram: Nsorommaa_

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THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!
WITH LOVE,
CHERISE

Concerts This Summer in Detroit & Metro Detroit

Summer 17 in the city is going to be lit.

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Kicking off summer 17 with Detroit River Days. THIS weekend. 

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Monica and Ashanti will be in the building tomorrow. 

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The Xscape reunion tour will be dropping through the city July 3rd.

 

 

Summer jamZ

Summer Jamz is going to be LIT! 

Can you say

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Jeezy. 

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Migos 

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Remy Ma 

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Lil Uzi Vert 

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Detroit’s own Tee Grizzley + many more! 

J cole

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J. Cole will be here on the same day. 

Kendrick

Kendrick will be blessing the city 7/26/17. 

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bell biv devoe

Catch an Old school groove

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Jidenna

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Check out the classic man 08/01/17. 

Mary j blidge

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Mary will be here 08/01/17

r kelly

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R. Kelly 08/05/17

2 chainz

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2 Chainz 08/31/17


What concerts are you attending this summer? 

 

 

Id love to hear from you!

Like, comment, subscribe, and follow me on social media!

Facebook: Cherise Floyd

Instagram: Nsorommaa_

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THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!
WITH LOVE,
CHERISE

Detroit/Metro Detroit Groupon Adventures

I love browsing on Groupon for great deals and great date night ideas. Here are the things I’m currently interested in trying out.

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The inflatable 5k looks like some pretty legit adult fun.

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If you watch American Ninja Warrior you’re as geeked as I am about this gym. For only $9 you really cant beat this.

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This is on my bucket list so I’ll definitely be utilizing this Groupon some time over the summer.

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Hop on Groupon and buy some discount tickets to Detroit Summer Jamz. Migos is going to be in the building which is the only reason I want to go.

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Step out of your comfort zone and take some salsa lessons, solo dolo or with your boo.

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If relaxing is more your thing check out this aqua therapy experience.

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Grab the kids and head over to the Safari Park.

 

Check out Groupon for more adventures!


Id love to hear from you!

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Facebook: Cherise Floyd

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Twitter: LifeRiiImagined

 
 
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!
WITH LOVE,
CHERISE

 

 

That One Time I got Married to Someone I Barely Knew- Part 1

Remember that one time I got married to somebody I barely knew? Yeah……………

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Here’s the 411 on that…..

My ex-husband walked out of our shared apartment on March 1st, 2015. We were married for a little over a year and I can say outside of things I learned about myself during that time, I was miserable.

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I remember my grandmother and family telling me to wait and me being annoyed with them for not respecting my decision.

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For them not understanding that I was ready to move on to the next stage in my life. I was graduating from college, I was 23, and here was a man who wanted to marry me.

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The day before we got married we got into a big argument our first argument ever actually and I just had this overwhelming feeling that was God telling me that we weren’t ready. That I shouldn’t marry him.

Grandma was like:

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Friends was like:

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My intuition was like: giphy (10)

But my pride couldn’t live with the “I told you so’s”

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and besides I had already had a bachelorette party, everyone had already taken off work I would look crazy if I called it off now!

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I had another opportunity to run away on the day of my wedding when my sorority sister pulled me aside. She asked me was I sure I wanted to do this

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Me: giphy (23).gif

But in the back of mind I was screaming NO! SAVE ME, GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!

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Based on the title of this blog you can tell I went forward with it anyway.

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We got married in front of a few family and friends. I remember looking him right in the eye and he was smiling and crying. He looked so happy like there were no doubts this was what he wanted, I was what he wanted.

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And I was crying on the inside, wanting everyone to stop looking at me.

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Thats all I could think about…. How everyone was staring at us. Thats supposed to be one of the most important days of a womans life and all I could think about was:

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I stumbled through my vows and left the courthouse a married woman.

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The face of someone sooooo happy to be married. Sarcasm

The next couple of months I started to get a taste of the REAL him. The him that was terrible with money and Im a huge saver. The him that would barely defend me when his brother would attack me. The him that never had money for dates but always had money for gambling. The him that kept withdrawing tiny amounts from our savings so I wouldnt notice.

How it started at first:

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How it escalated:

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I started to feel trapped, stuck like I couldnt breathe. He was happy, he had someone to take care of him but no one was taking care of me. Waking up next to him was like waking up to an elephant standing on my chest.

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I would cry and tell him how unhappy I was and he would promise to fix it. But the elephant just got heavier and heavier. I couldn’t stand to look at him, I wouldn’t let him touch me.

Me:

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I just kept thinking what a terrible mistake I had made. The thing that killed me was how happy he was. He was happy and I was miserable and it just didnt make any sense to me.

Him:

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“spend all yall money”

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I didnt want to go against the commitment we made in front of God, and our family and friends, but I couldnt wake up and keep reliving the worst mistake I made ever.

What I thought would happen if I got a divorce, me:

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I cared for him, but I did not love him, and since he had no plans on changing anything (if you think everything is great why would you change?) I knew I had to do what was best for me.

I told him I wanted a divorce.

He told me “for better or for worse“.

I was trapped.

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To be continued… 


Id love to hear from you!

Like, comment, subscribe, and follow me on social media!

Facebook: Cherise Floyd

Instagram: Nsorommaa_

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THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!
WITH LOVE,
CHERISE

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Dear Lisa,

Background on this post: I would like to first start off by saying I was challenged to do this post by another blogger. When I say challenged- we both wanted to write about something that we did not necessarily want to share. We feel this will challenge us as bloggers, writers, and well…. as humans.

-Cherise

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Dear Lisa (Timesha),

To say I miss you would be an understatement. It doesn’t properly communicate the empty feeling of despair I feel knowing that you are gone and never coming back. But then there are days where I am oddly at peace with the fact that you are gone. Because good things or people never seem to stay around for long.

 

I wish I could say I was coping with your death well. I always thought I was a strong person that was until I lost you. Now I see that I was just numb, I’ve always been good at making myself not feel things. I thought I could just push you out of my mind like I’ve managed to do every other shitty thing that’s happened in my life.

Im usually pretty successful until my body has had enough of storing my emotional bullshit and purges it out in days filled with tears, no appetite to eat, and naps that start off as such but slowly turns into full day sleep-a-thons.

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What life feels like since you’ve been gone

I deal with feelings of confusion mainly at being angrier at myself than the person that took you from this earth.

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And it’s crazy because normally I have a terrible memory but for some reason can remember EVERY (my insults were pretty basic) single mean thing I ever said to you. Every time I should have been there for you and I wasn’t, and it cuts like a knife. I really hope you knew how much I loved you. How when I didnt want to live for myself anymore I held on for you, for them. Thats why it hurts so much it was you. I spent so much time not wanting to be here while you spent every minute living.

and It isnt fair.

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I replay how many times I would see you and tell you, you needed to get back in school. I just wanted you to be great!

Who knew that an acceptance letter to your dream school with a  scholarship to sing in the gospel choir would have resulted in you no longer being here.

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http://www.fox2detroit.com/news/local-news/21724536-story
http://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/wayne-county/2015/09/19/many-mourn-detroit-area-women-slain-daytona/72491662/
http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/metro-detroit-students-studying-in-florida-killed

I read the comments on the numerous articles that wrote about what happened (I know I probably shouldnt have). It broke my heart to think that you were now one of the many faces added to the roster of “Blacks killed by blacks” a phrase that white people like to use casually in an attempt to justify why there is no justice or equal treatment for the large majority of us under the law.

She was NOT just another black woman killed by a black man. She was a daughter, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend, my sister, and a beautiful person in general.

The news portrayed your story as a domestic violence situation gone bad to worst. I guess trying to figure out the truth would have been to much work.

In reality, you hadn’t even been in Florida for over a month and had a boyfriend here. I HATE how they tried to tarnish your name, your image.

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Right to left: Lisa, Chanavia, me

What’s crazy is the day that I found out I KNEW something was wrong I just felt it, you were on my mind all day. I was wondering why you hadn’t responded to the scriptures I had been sending you since we last talked on Sunday.

I pulled into my apartment complex at the same time Chanavia was getting out of the car (My older sister- we lived in the same apartment complex) and asked her if she talked to you. She said she hadn’t and then a couple of hours later was knocking on my door telling me you were dead. 

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I was knocked out, and you know my phone is always on dnd. I woke up to almost 30 missed calls, and someone knocking on the door. I groggily got up, stumbled to the door and there was Chanavia, Johntae, and Jordyn.

Chanavia was balling crying, Jordyn was being herself, and Johntae looked sad and confused like he didn’t know what to do (the same look my boyfriend would have when he visited later). I have so, so many regrets. I should’ve hugged her and we could’ve cried together but instead, I told them I was going back to bed (and yes I literally went and got back in the bed).

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Lisa, you know I’m hella weird with how I process stuff so I lay there trying to go back to sleep then I’m like wait what? I get on Facebook and I see stuff like:

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and a million other posts like it and I’m like what the fuck?

And then I see posts like this:

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“What he did in that apartment, he basically assassinated the young ladies,” Chitwood said. “The young ladies were shot point-blank range. They were head shots. And our male victim in the hospital right now has at least three shots to the face and head area. (wftv)”

and then:

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Yay, great, awesome!

We would not be one of those families that never sees justice.

but before we could even process the news………………

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Yup. The coward took two lives and then his own.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

My emotions regarding the situation were pretty much:

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then

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Then…

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Because wtf was the point?!!!

Why did he do this to you?

You of all people!?

Please help me to understand! 

My only comfort in this situation is knowing that even though you only got to roam this earth for 21 years you lived, more than I ever have in my 25.

My sweet little sister who probably never had a bad day until the day she was murdered. Whenever I get worked up I hear her voice in my head saying “Cheriseeeeeeee calm down its not that serious!” (because Im always upset or snapping about something)

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IG picture of Lisa wondering why she does not have any eyebrows 04/12/14

Since the day my sister from this earth I’ve learned that grief comes in waves. Small gentle waves that make you think of the good times. And then there are other times when its like a tidal wave ready to crash down and destroy everything in its path.

Its so weird that its not your birthday or the anniversary of your death that brings me to uncontrollable tears. But those random moments when just briefly I forget you are no longer here and want to share a joke or call you with family gossip so we can laugh (because thats really all we ever did together was laugh)

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Almost every memory I have of you is a pleasant one because you never let anyone steal your joy. Even though I was older I always admired that about you, your resilience, your ability to just let stuff go without a second thought!

I mainly miss laughing with you.

Trying to make sure you didn’t end up in Alice of Wonderland or somewhere because you were just that dingy was always a full-time job.

It  never stops being funny to me that you SERIOUSlY wanted to sing opera.

Chanavia wanted to be a social worker, I wanted to be a teacher or doctor, Devon wants to be a veterinarian, Saundre wants to be a nurse,

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(Hypothetical us)

and then there’s you who wants to sing opera……..

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Me:

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But we all supported you anyway.

You had to be in the building the day of your funeral.

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It was live, like a lit ass funeral concert (she would find this funny). I couldnt even be sad because the whole church was milly rocking to Bethune Cookmans Choir.

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(just kidding- but that wouldve been cool right?). I hope you enjoyed the standing ovation we made them give you. Since you’d never have the pleasure of singing your heart out to a packed room of people that love you and adoring fans…. we felt it was only right.

 

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And you deserved it………..

 Leaving you at that cemetery was the hardest thing Ive ever done in my entire life.

If only you knew how bad I wanted to hop out of the car and run back and grab you out of that casket. But Im the strong one right?

So I just took this picture instead……

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The last day I ever got to see you in the flesh. I just want you back man!

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The day you left Michigan I was so depressed over my divorce I didnt even feel like leaving the house. But I knew I had to come see you. When I got to mama house they said you already left.

DAMN!

But then… You came back because in typical Lisa fashion you forgot something. You were almost going to miss your flight and you didnt have time to talk so  I took this picture of you. How happy am I that even if only briefly, I got to see you the last day you were alive in Michigan.

Lisa running off to her future (or fate), going to  Florida alone to chase her dream.

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I know that white mist in my room was you girl. Your way of letting me know you’re still here, and that you made it to heaven.

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I used to be afraid of death, but now Im just patiently waiting on the day I get to see you again.

When the days without you get unbearable, I choose to smile anyway… because I know you would…..

So save a seat for me!

Forever missing you, forever heartbroken. 

P.S -Come see me soon.

Your little-big sister,

Cherise

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TimeshaLisa” Floyd-Carswell 

10/21/1993-09/17/2015

Escape to Paris

I am so jealous of people that get to grow up in the UK!

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Once you get into Europe traveling to other countries is dirt cheap. Since we were going to be in Spain so long we took the opportunity to go explore Paris on a day trip. The trip was not without its snags but Ill be going into that in a later blog post. For now just enjoy the pictures =)


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Stopped at a cute cafe to eat.

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