Stop Asking Me When Im Going to Get Pregnant!

Infertility

Infertility

Stop Asking Me When I’m Going to Get Pregnant!

“Gather round, gather round, family, friends, co-workers, etc. STOP ASKING ME WHEN IM GOING TO GET PREGNANT!”

stop it neil patrick harris GIF

Seriously, I know that you mean well but its insensitive af. See, I have endometriosis, and for those of you not familiar with the condition, its when your endometrium grows outside of your uterus.

Normal pretty shiny Uterus:

Related image

Uterus with endometriosis:

endometriosis pictures

Endometriosis Diagnoses

Being diagnosed with stage 3/4 endometriosis, as terrible as it is, was a relief.  I always just “knew” something was wrong. Doctors, OBs, nurse practitioners, etc have misdiagnosed me more times than I can count.  Irritable bowel syndrome, anxiety, my grief over losing my sister, all the while the endo was getting worse. Oddly enough they were all women practitioners. I finally found an OB that took me seriously and had a laparoscopy back in November 2017. The endometriosis was EVERYWHERE, my ovaries, my fallopian tubes, my uterus. Not to mention a cyst the size of a baseball on my left ovary and for added fun a polyp on the inside of my uterus.

Image result for polyp in uterus

Image result for cyst on left ovary

Not my uterus*

Baby Blues

#pcos #ttc #infertility Side Note: This was from a poster on a PCOS Facebook Group. I didn't want to give cred because it's a closed group, and as a fellow cyster, you know that privacy should be respected. However, this picture was too good not to share! :D

So when am I having a baby? I dont know, maybe when my body stops freaking attacking itself? I struggle so hard watching my family, friends, and peers start families. Sometimes people in less than ideal situations which doesn’t help. Shitty relationships, finances not in order, not even mature enough to have a baby, etc! I’ve had to support two friends this past year through pregnancies they didnt even want. Im over it at this point.

Ugh so frustrating

Had to share...So true! - Actively Trying: The Next Level! - BabyCenter

To be clear,  I’m not passing any judgment, do you, live your life however you see fit. This is to all my “its not your time” people. Which again, I know its said with the best intentions but fuck that. You don’t tell someone whose cancer has yet to go into remission “its just not their time”. You don’t because its just not that simple and I wish my disease would get the same consideration. Ive had to take birth control (which completely screwed my body up for about two months), have surgery, take a variety of different medications and injections, numerous testing, IUI’s, keeping a temperature chart, etc. Ive spent over $5,000 in the past year at various doctors offices trying to do what other women do for free.

Infertility is a disease... just like diabetes or cancer. #infertility #pcos #knowthefacts

Comparision Kills

And then some. Infertility has been proven to be as stressful as going through cancer.

I admit that when I got to the root of why I felt this sudden urge to be a mother it seemed to be fueled by the fact that most of my friends and peers are now mothers. Others were entering a new stage in life and leaving me behind. (Cue my mom asking me if all my friends jumped off of a bridge… you know how the rest goes).

Me:

bridge jumps GIF

As someone thats always considered myself a leader that was a tough revelation, but real. How cute would it be for all of our kids to grow up together and be friends?

Hypothetical us:

Image result for baby friends

Have a baby gang-gang and mob at Chuckie cheese every weekend. But the reality is they all have kids and, I dont.

Me when somebody at Chuckie Cheese asks where my kid is:

willem dafoe smile GIF

The second and obviously most pressing issue is my endometriosis. I’m 27 and in my PRIME baby-making years.  Being at such an advanced stage now is only going to make getting pregnant even harder as I get older. Which is why I feel this sense of urgency. Im literally not getting any younger.

joe pesci GIF

There is currently no cure for endometriosis. Doctors have yet to even understand what causes endometriosis. So here I am with a barely understood disease with no cure, great.

Infertility with endometriosis

So Whats Next?

I have two degrees, a career, financially stable and in a great relationship, it just seems natural kids would be the next thing right? Am I tripping? I could easily put all this energy into something productive like my career or even this blog. I am obsessed with the one thing I may or may not be able to have. And thats the worst part about this entire process, never really knowing. I feel like I could function much better if I just KNEW. Good or bad just let me know so I can move on with my life! Sliding in God DM’s like:

 

Pause... The Things You Take For Granted Someone Else Is Praying For.

We’ve had two people volunteer to be our surrogates if it ever got to that point (please never let it get to that point). I am so appreciative of the offer. I don’t take it lightly what a sacrifice it would be. One with literally no return other than making two other people very happy. Or maybe just one (my boyfriend) because I think I would die a little on the inside. Isnt that part of the entire experience? Carrying your baby from conception until birth? Your baby learning your heartbeat, your voice…. Oh how I long for that experience!

Missing You: 22 Honest Quotes About Grief It’s the kind of heartache you can feel in your bones.

Im stuck in this infertility limbo where I have to accept motherhood, or at least motherhood in the way I envisioned may never happen for me. Well for us, because my current partner has to deal with this as well. How excited we both get when we talk about our kids in the future! A future he could actually have if he wasn’t with me. The constant guilt I feel about him getting stuck with a “Defective Debby” and missing out on biological kids when he doesn’t have to is another story. His body isnt the problem, mine is.

The Truth About Infertility: 10 Honest Confessions

To be clear, I have the most loving and supportive boyfriend ever. He is down with surrogacy, adoption, fostering, fur babies, etc. I just dont think its fair for him to have to go without something he really wants because of me. Sigh.

So when am I having kids? Maybe never,  its not like I have a say so either way.

Just stop asking okay?

Thanks

-Cherise

God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. 1 Corinthians‬ ‭1:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬


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21 comments on “Stop Asking Me When Im Going to Get Pregnant!

  1. WoW! As a childless woman by choice I thought this blog post was totally going somewhere else. I’m very sorry to hear about your condition and sadly it affects so many women. Now More than ever. I studied about it when I got my cerification as a holistic health & wellness consultant.

    Have you done any research on how flesh foods, dairy and devitalized straches feed cyst and tumors? Just look into it.
    Queen Afua talla about this regularly and has written books about it .
    I’ve healed cyst Naturally and I believe you can too.

    If you’d like to chat email me.

    Such a brave post. Thanks for sharing so candidly.

    1. Thanks so much for reading! I have been juicing for the past two months and literally, today, Im going to remove meat, soy, dairy, refined sugars, from my diet for 30 days and see if that helps any. Ill definitely be emailing you =)

  2. I have always felt that there was something wrong with my reproductive organs and I’ve also been diagnosed with IBS. I’m so sorry to hear you are having these problems but something I’ve learned is that just because everyone else is doing it does not mean it is yet your time. Good Luck with your journey!!

    1. You may want to get a second opinion! I was told that numerous times when that wasn’t actually the case. Thank you for reading

  3. WOW! People are so insensitive. You never know why people aren’t having children. I understand how difficult that is. I have PCOS and some women have it a lot worse than I do. Sending some baby dust your way.

  4. Ok now you have me wondering if I should ask if I have this. I’ve had an undiagnosed medical condition for a few years and I got similar suggestions (I.e. IBS, car accident trauma, etc). Thanks for sharing this post.

    1. I would definitely seek out a second opinion! Maybe even a third. Crazy how quickly doctors will write you off like you don’t know your own body.

  5. I actually have quite the opposite problem, because my parents don’t want us to have kids yet. Crazy right? While everyone else is getting pressure from their parents, mine say you’re too young! Don’t have kids yet! (I’m 27 btw) Makes me feel a bit strange when they do that to be honest…

    1. I can definitely understand both sides because people with kids tell me all the time they wish they would’ve waited. So to make myself feel better sometimes I remind myself that the grass always looks greener on the other side. I think that if I didn’t know it’s going to be harder as I got older because of my condition, I would want to wait. Travel more, really find myself. Maybe that’s what they want for you.

  6. It must be hard to be asked that all the time. I keep getting asked “when are you having another” and thats annoying enough. I have Lupus SLE, and endo was found during my emergency c section. Plus a list of other health issues. I shouldn’t have been able to get pregnant. Or carry a healthy baby to term. I did. So stay strong! It can still be possible for you, but wherever life takes you, I am sure it will be a wonderful journey. In the meantime, I hope people back off on that question. Hugs!

    1. It’s funny how doctors say what our bodies will and won’t do and they prove them wrong! We lack an understanding about so many functions of our bodies yet they always speak with such certainty. Love cases that prove them wrong like yours ❤️ gives me hope!
      Thank you for reading

  7. I am over-30, married, childfree by choice, unapologetic about it, ad regularly get chided by folks why I’ve not conceived yet . Your post struck a chord with me. People are so insensitive and nosey. To hell with them. Sendig you lots of positive vibes and baby dust. 🙂

  8. Thank you for being honest first of all- I know this will help many in the struggles. As you’ve stated, this is something outside of your control so not only do you not have the answers, you don’t owe them to anyone and I think that goes for yourself too! Don’t be too hard on yourself for what is outside of your control- instead enjoy what you do have and the love your partner shows. Easier said than done of course, but all the best luvie!

  9. My husband and I tried for 8 years to get pregnant and it seemed at the time that everyone around us was pregnant. It was hard to be around my baby sister who could get pregnant just by looking at her husband and was pregnant with number two. It was hard to go to church and see all the new parents around us. I often would just walk out because, unless you experience it, people have no idea how hard it is. We had two miscarriages right away and then nothing. I would never ever wish infertility on anyone. It is a true nightmare and why is it the stupid people, who should not be having babies, have them?? It’s a true mystery to me. Seriously, makes no sense at all. Sex seemed like a chore and took all the enjoyment away from it. It is hard on relationships for sure! Glad you have a patient, loving partner! After all the tests and injections, my husband and I finally welcomed our first baby when I was almost 29. I wish you good luck and my deepest sympathies. I KNOW what you are going through.

  10. I am so sorry you are going through this… I tread very lightly with any woman I meet that I do not see with kids. Typically if she does not bring it up, I do not ask. A very close of my struggled with PCOS and it was a nightmare, and financially draining for her and her husband to try and conceive. This article is a really good read, and very brave.

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