Embrace your Singleness

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So many girls are brought up thinking that a career, a husband, and a family will complete them. So its no guess that as soon as we are of dating age we are out to find our knight in shining armor. We aren’t taught to focus on ourselves, living our best life and letting the right one find us. Most of us spend the majority of our time trying to mold ourself to be the right girlfriend or future wife, while the majority of men don’t prioritize making themselves a great husband at all.

Some Sundays ago when I went to church, the pastor talked about being single and what that meant. He mentioned that some people don’t know how to be single and therefore, aren’t good partners when they’re actually in a relationship and it really got my wheels turning.

When we think of being single, lets keep two things in mind.

  1. Being single is a blessing and a gift.
  2. Being single is being free.

I know so many people (and used to be one of those people) who are either married acting single or single acting married. You have to assume it’s because relationships or the idea of being in a relationship is whats “popular”. What doesn’t seem to be popular is people not getting involved in relationships before they’re ready. If you’re in a  relationship and you’re being mistreated and staying, in my opinion, you arent ready to be in a relationship. I really dont see how anybody would voluntarily stay with someone mistreating them unless they cared about that person or the relationship more than they care about themselves.

A relationship should uplift you, make you better as two than you are as one. If thats not happening, whats the point? You’re staying with someone dragging you down 90% of the time because being with them and not being alone feels good 10% of the time.  If you’re in a  relationship that’s supposed to be monogamous but you’re cheating, you clearly aren’t ready to be in a real relationship. So why get involved to begin with? Because you hurt people and hurt people hurt people and its a vicious cycle. By the time you meet somebody real you cant even deal with it because of all the baggage from the past. But

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Newsflash 

There’s more to life than being in a relationship!

I would rather be alone than with someone who’s not for me. I truly believe that when you get to a place where you love yourself fully you dont mind being single because you dont mind your own company.

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I firmly believe that things will happen how they are supposed to happen. Until you meet your life partner (or soulmate) focus on making yourself a better person. Anybody that doesn’t want you to be the best version of you even if that means leaving them behind is not for you anyway. Sometimes, Like in Issa and Lawerence’s case, the person we are holding down for love is really the one holding us back from reaching our full potential.

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I have a boyfriend and he’s AMAZING (most days at least). But I’m going to be honest, I miss my freedom…. I miss not having to consider how my decisions will affect someone else. I think that’s my biggest issue with being in a committed relationship. The constant need to consider someone else in decisions that are best for my life. Because after being single for so long thats the hardest thing for me to give up.

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I personally am at this stage in my life where possibilities are endless and I don’t know what’s next. Should I change jobs? Do I want to move to another state? Hell to another country? Im still growing as a person and I think to an extent when you get so involved in a relationship and another person before you figure out you, you’re cheating yourself.

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Luckily, if I wanted to go stand on the corner and sell hot dogs my boyfriend would support me. If I wanted to move out of the state he wouldn’t tell me not to go, he’d pack up and move with me, and thats what I love about him. But I also remember a time I missed the opportunity to study abroad while I was in college because I did not want to leave my at the time boyfriend. I wish that someone would’ve told me:

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We are no longer together, and not doing study abroad was one of my biggest collegiate regrets. I stayed behind for him, but if he REALLY loved and cared about me he would’ve encouraged me to go. He would’ve waited for me to get back and I should’ve went regardless but hindsight is 20/20 right? At the ripe old age of 26 if my choices are a man or an adventure, Im choosing the adventure every time. Adventures are once in a lifetime, men are everywhere and vice versa for the fellas reading this right now.

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Basically, I typed all of this to say dont get stuck with the wrong person because you dont want to be alone. You’re worth so much more than that. If you dont think you’re worth more than that the love you’re looking for in someone else can only be found in you. Sadly, you’re going to experience a lot of heartbreak until you figure that out.


There are worse things than being alone. But it often takes decades to realize this. And most often when you do, it’s too late. And there’s nothing worse than too late. 

– Charles Bukowski


Discussion: Whats some things you wish you could’ve told the younger dating you? 

I would’ve told myself to love yourself first and everything else will fall into place.


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THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!
WITH LOVE,
CHERISE

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LifeRiiImagined

Cherise is an entitled millennial whose parents told her from birth she would be great. This drive to be great has caused her to excel academically receiving two degrees at the age of 25 and $85,000 of debt. She still has no (insert cuss word) clue on what to do with her expensive degrees or her life in general. You can typically catch her dodging calls from Sallie Mae, sleeping, or updating this blog. To read more about Cherise and her experiences navigating the scary world of adulting click one of the links on this blog.

3 thoughts on “Embrace your Singleness

  1. I’m so glad people are writing posts like this. And love the Adichie quote. Boys & Girls want relationships as much as each other, we are just socialized very differently. When girls are told to go reach for the stars, THEN settle down – we’ll see a big shift in emotional equality I think!

    Liked by 1 person

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