Its really crazy how less than two weeks ago I was the man. I had a fiance and a side dude. Now I had nothing, no man, no job, just me in this apartment. I really went from:
to on My SWV Vibes with Dre:
& On my Keysha Shit with Dre:
Speaking of James, he wouldnt stop blowing up my phone. He said that we needed to meet. That he had something he needed to get off of his chest. I felt like I owed him that much at least. He asked me to meet him at this local park and I brought my pepper spray along with me in case he decided to slap me again. I was going to beat his ass this time. I saw him sitting on a bench and walked over.
“Hey”, he said standing up greeting me.
“Hi,” I said back.
Before I can even sit down he pulls out this boom box (no lie) and begins to sing Say Something by a Great big World.
“Rhea, I will be a better man, please just give us another chance.” he pleaded.
Because where the fuck was all this effort BEFORE I started cheating on you? Why do you want to step it up now? It was a little too late, I got really angry and then I started to cry. I cried for me and for him because I knew I couldn’t ever love him the way that he loved me. Sure, maybe this time would be different but I wasn’t willing to waste another year of my life to see.
At this point, being alone was still the better alternative, with James I was settling, period. I didn’t even think I was settling until I met Dre and so if I want to stay positive I guess I can say that Dre taught me my self-worth. I didn’t know who I was supposed to be with but it wasn’t him. Now that I had a “Dre” James would never be enough. How do you tell somebody that?
For a moment, for a brief moment, I felt bad for him. I felt like I owed it to him to make it work after all he was willing to take me back even after cheating. But then a quote flashed my mind.
I grabbed the stereo and began to play a song of my own.
You ever love someone and had to watch them love someone else?
You ever wanted someone so bad they were all you could think about but you were the furthest thing from their mind?
I stood up.
I began to sing ” I cant explain why its him and not you… But at the end of the day baby I just dont want to…..”
I walked away and I didn’t look back. It hurt me to hurt him but this was for the best. Id rather hurt him temporarily then hurt him for a lifetime because of “love”
Just because someone loves you doesnt mean you’re meant to be with them. I would rather be lonely for the rest of my life than to wake up next to the wrong person every day.
And here I am alone.
But then my phone rings and Dre’s number pops up.
But I answered like:
“I just wanted to apologize for everything I said, things got out of control and we both are adults so we should just squash this. You dont need to quit your job, its not that serious. I love you and I broke up with her because I want to be with you”
and ride off into the sunset.
Him: “I just wanted to apologize for everything I said, things got out of control and we both are adults so we should just squash this. You dont need to quit your job, its not that serious.”
Me: “I accept your apology and I want to apologize as well, I knew from the beginning you had a girlfriend and it wasnt right for me to tell her.”
Him: “Thanks for apologizing, I appreciate that……..
I guess if we ever see each other around we can definitely say hi.”
“Yeah of course…… So I guess this is it?.” I asked rhetorically”
Him: “Yeah I guess so.”
Me: “Goodbye Dre….”
But I had too because we had gone from stimulating life changing conversations to “hi”. I had lost not only a lover but a friend.
This song describes my life perfectly during this time because I read that poem and when I truly had a moment to myself I didnt like the person I had become. A heartbreaking home wrecker, yet it was the freest I had ever felt.
I got an abortion and sat in my apartment alone for two months, yes, two months, numb.
Because I couldn’t understand how I could be everything to one person and nothing to the next. Because how it was so easy for him to just toss me to the side?
I would send him the occasional drunk text and he would always respond. But I never saw him again.
The positives: He freed me from the worst decision I ever made. He taught me to be selfish sometimes, and think of me and just me.
The Cons: I cant stop thinking about him… still…
To Dre: Its been almost two years and Ive been searching for someone that makes me feel the way you do.
To James: Its been almost two years and Ive been searching for someone who can love me unconditionally, flaws and all like you did.
If you’re reading this…..
James: For not loving you enough
Dre: For loving you too much.
I ended up alone.
Humbled, and alone.
Moral of the story:
- Dont be a home wrecker
- Dont settle for less than what you deserve
- Dont ruin a good friendship with shit like sex and love.
- Dont fall in love with someone who loves someone else
Be on the lookout for the video version of this story! Production begins Summer 17.
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