So many of us in life are “fixers” we want to try to fix everything. When things dont go according to plan we accept it as another challenge. Some of us get so focused on fixing we fail to realize that maybe the shit is just broken beyond repair and its time to throw it out and start over.


My anxiety had me questioning all of my decisions, but one thing I couldn’t deny is that I felt like a new person. Liberated, like the only person or thing that’s been holding me back this entire time was James. It was also an added benefit that I got to spend more time with Dre.

“Damn girl, I cant believe that you actually did that,” Dre said laughing in bed after I told him the story.

“OMG when I say that it was literally like a do or die moment for me. It just came down to did I wanna be labeled a terrible person for following my heart and doing whats best for me or did I wanna feel terrible every day for the rest of my life trying to make something fit that didnt fit,” I said.

“Damn I wouldnt know what to do if my girl did that to me,” he said.

His girl.

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“I forgot about this bitch,” I thought to myself rolling my eyes. In essence that was what I loved about Dre, the fact that when I was with him nothing or nobody else mattered. Not even her. “Can you come over tonight?” I asked putting my clothes back on.

“I cant, date night,” he said kissing me on the cheek. “But I got you tomorrow,”

“Okay sure,” I responded.

The Next Day….

James had been blowing my phone up and it was super annoying. I didnt have anything to say at this point.

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“Did yall see that new hiring class?” Robert asked.

“Naw I haven’t, nobody cares about them,” I responded chuckling.

“Of course they’re all over the member services hunk Dre,” Robert said.

I laughed a little “he has a girlfriend so they can have fun with that,” I responded trying not to show my jealousy.

“We’re still on for dinner after work right? Cause you have to catch me up with yo ole runaway bride ass,” Robert said laughing.

“Of course, James will not stop blowing my phone up like OMG,” I said.

“You must have that good good, cause somebody run off on the day of my wedding, and I cant get my money back, Im sending every female relative to your crib,” he said laughing.

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“Shut up,” I said tapping him playfully getting up. “Im about to take my lunch.”

I usually ate my lunch with Dre, so I walked over to his desk. One of the new hires was there with him laughing it up.

So I popped up and interrupted like:

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“Heyyyyyyy,” I said with a sly smile. “You ready for lunch Dre?” I asked.

“Yeah let me grab my stuff,” he said to me. “Ill check you later,” he said to her.

Seeing him interact with her really annoyed me. Everything was annoying me today. “Who was that?” I asked once we got outside the building.

“Oh shes just a new hire,” he said.

“Are you her trainer?” I asked him

“Naw, Im not.” he replied.

“Ohhhh okay she was being extra friendly at your desk then,” I said.

“Yeah I guess so,” he responded chuckling. “So are a lot of women at this job, if you haven’t noticed Im kind’ve that nigga in this department,” he said confidently.

“Yeah, yeah,” I said laughing, trying not to show I was a little jealous. “We see what you trained me right into.”

“You ever think about kids?” I blurted out changing the subject.

“Yeah sure, I want kids, one day, when Im married,” he said.

“Are you going to marry your girlfriend?” I asked.

“Probably not,” he responded grabbing our food. We sat down on a park bench outside.

“I dont get why you’re with someone you dont see yourself with long term, doesn’t make any sense,” I said eating some of my food.

“I mean for where I am in my life right now, she works, we work,” he said.

My heart dropped. I didnt understand why he insisted on being with someone he didnt want to build with. It was like I dropped my dead weight (James) and subconsciously now I was expecting him to do the same with her. My feelings were all over the place, I was all over the place. I just ran out of my wedding a couple of days ago and now here I am pregnant, getting my phone blew up by somebody who wants me but I dont want. While Im out here looking like a fool because I fell for someone with a girlfriend. It really made me question if I ran out of that church for me, or for him…..

“I think that Im developing feelings for you,” I blurted out before I had a chance to think. “It would probably be best that we just stop whatever this is,” I said to him.

“Rhea, you always do this. I dont understand why you want to mess up something that isnt broken. What we have right now is perfect, and like I told you, we’ll stop messing with each other when I say so,” he said seriously. “Come on, lunch is over,” he said leading me back into the building.

This was the second time he said that to me. Something about that statement made me feel good, desired, wanted. But in reality, I had just jumped out of the pan and into the fire.

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“You ready to go?”Robert asked me as we were packing up.

“Yes sir I am packed and ready,” I said following him out into the elevator. We started to walked outside.

“Giiiiirl I need a drink, and.” before Robert could finish his statement James ran up on us.

“Rhea! I been calling you all damn day!” he yelled at me.

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“You are not going to shut me out my child’s life!” he yelled putting the pregnancy test I threw in the trash in my face.

I was shocked, it was just my luck. “You need to calm down and go home before you embarrass yourself,” I said to him.

He grabbed my arm “no you need to listen to me,”


“Aye bro let her go,” Robert said pushing him off me.

“This the nigga you been cheating on me with?” James asked walking up on us trying to swing on Robert.

“Stop!” I yelled out as he was charging.

“No this is not who Ive been cheating on you with and its not even your fucking baby!” I screamed out of frustration. “I havent even let you touch me in the past month or so why the fuck would you think this was yours?”

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Before I knew it James reached back and slapped me. I mean slapped the dog shit out of me downtown, in the middle of the street, no fucks given.

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“You stupid bitch! Out here fucking that nigga raw. You’re such a hoe, fuck you and that baby ” he yelled as he stormed away.

I stood there shocked.

My whole life was falling apart around me. I left my main for my side dude but my side dude has no intentions on leaving his main but does not want to let me go as his side chick.

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Now, surprise! Im pregnant, and as a bonus, you can add getting the shit slapped out of me and all my dirty laundry aired in front of my coworker to the list of things I couldnt even be mad about because I brought on myself.

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“Omg what the fuck just happened?” Robert asked pulling me out of my trance. All I could respond was:

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To be continued….. 

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Cherise is an entitled millennial whose parents told her from birth she would be great. This drive to be great has caused her to excel academically receiving two degrees at the age of 25 and $85,000 of debt. She still has no (insert cuss word) clue on what to do with her expensive degrees or her life in general. You can typically catch her dodging calls from Sallie Mae, sleeping, or updating this blog. To read more about Cherise and her experiences navigating the scary world of adulting click one of the links on this blog.

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