THE QUESTIONABLE LIFE AND TIMES OF RII PART 17: The Invitation

You ever read something so profound it changes your life?

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Completely changes your perception of how you see yourself and therefore the world? I wanted to pause the story here because I KNOW you’re thinking the worst of me.

That Im a cheater, selfish, a bitch, and maybe I am! I don’t deny any of these things, I never professed to be anything or anybody other than who I was.

But I need to know….since you’re all in my business and shit.

 I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive? -Oriah 

Will you? Or do you just sit on the sidelines playing it safe? Passing judgment from your throne of perpetual everyday sameness?

Because how many of you have suffered through something for love? Only for it all to not be worth it in the end? Did you staying loyal to unhappiness or a bad situation make you happy? Or was it just familiar, comfortable even in all its destruction?

Is it something for you to brag about to all your friends? Will the Girl Scouts honor you with a badge for your “strength”? For your undying willingness to stick something out despite all the signs to leave?


I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. -Oriah

How many of us can TRULY say we have this freedom? The ability to be selfish in the most self-loving way. If you can step outside of what’s expected of you and be okay with that?

I loved James, I cared for James, but he wasn’t enough, and the fact that he was okay with not being enough was the problem. So okay with not being enough he would be willing to share me with someone else. That in itself spoke volumes to me, how can we stay together until death do us part when we are throwing in the towel before we even began?

Shit lets be real! Love in itself isn’t enough. If love was so powerful why do we live in such an evil world? Why can’t I use love to pay the bills? Love is just one emotion, one factor among the many that it takes to have a healthy, and successful marriage or relationship in general.

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I agreed to marry him because that’s what he wanted. That’s what would make him happy. But who was keeping me happy? It hurt me to hurt him, but it was a pain that would subside because I was freeing him to go find the woman he could be enough for.

As for me, Ill pay for my sins as you’ll read later. I just couldn’t take the judgment and the shade you all were throwing.

Rheas bold, Rheas a thot, a cheater, a “jezebel” as my ex-future mother in law so kindly texted me. But fuck you! It’s MY life.

And it was about to get more complicated……


I finally see how Mr.Big felt on Sex in the City. Because yeah, when you watch the movie you think “what an asshole” or how terribly devastating it must have been for Carrie to be stood up on her wedding day.

But she got what she was asking for! Why? Because he said from the beginning he didn’t want anything extravagant. But he made adjustments to keep her happy pushing his own happiness to the side.

The result:

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I didn’t want a dress, I didn’t want a church wedding, I didn’t even ask to be married. Hell at this point I didn’t even know if I wanted James at all. I agreed to all these things because one, at one point I did THINK it was what I wanted (Husband, house, dog, white picket fence with two kids the all-American dream right?).

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Two, it made James happy and when you’re in a relationship you do what makes your significant other happy right?

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I made Tanishas camp out at my place for a day or two. I didn’t want to be alone. James had been texting and calling he let me know he would be staying in the hotel until we could talk.

I hadnt responded, I didnt know what I wanted or what should be my next move. Sure James and I weren’t ready to be married now but that could change so maybe I should stick it out? That is if he’s still willing too after I left him at the altar and all.

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Or should I profess my love? feelings? whatever it was for Dre? James was okay until I met Dre so is this God telling me to go for Dre?

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“Girl you better figure it out, you and James live together so eventually, he’s going to have to come back home or move out.” Tanisha said “oh and you got a tampon? I feel like my period is about to start any minute.”

“Yeah look under the cabinet in the bathroom,” I responded. It wasn’t until she asked that I realized that my aunt, who never misses a chance to visit her niece hadnt shown up in a while. Between Dre, and the wedding, I didnt even think about it and its not like it was missed until this moment.

“Fuck,” I said out loud. This was the LAST thing I needed in my life right now. I sprinted to my linen closet to see if I had any tests left over from the last scare James and I had. I found it and ran to the bathroom, the anticipation was killing me.

I plopped down on the toilet seat, read the instructions, and peed on the stick, and after what seemed like the longest 3 minutes of my life.

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To be continued……..

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THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!
WITH LOVE,
CHERISE

 

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LifeRiiImagined

Cherise is an entitled millennial whose parents told her from birth she would be great. This drive to be great has caused her to excel academically receiving two degrees at the age of 25 and $85,000 of debt. She still has no (insert cuss word) clue on what to do with her expensive degrees or her life in general. You can typically catch her dodging calls from Sallie Mae, sleeping, or updating this blog. To read more about Cherise and her experiences navigating the scary world of adulting click one of the links on this blog.

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