I pulled up on Dre and told him what happened.
“Damn so you think he’ll call the wedding off?” Dre asked me.
“I dont know,” I said somberly.
“Well you should definitely pray about it,” he suggested.
“What if I told you you’re the reason I am no longer sure if this is what I want?” I blurted out.
“Then I would tell you to pray about it,” he replied again.
I was frustrated because I had love for James and I thought I was in love with him until I met Deandre. He was everything James wasn’t, James was simple he didn’t need much, didn’t want much, just me. It was like the best thing he had going in his life ever, had been being with me.
I wanted to be with someone who I could build with. Who wants to try to take the world for everything its got! Who wants to be somebody, to make a change, to be remembered when he leaves this world! Then I had to realize….
I had white collar CEO dreams for a blue collar worker bee man.
I loved his potential, what he could be and never really looked at who he was. That’s who I thought I was agreeing to marry. But in reality, I was going to be stuck with a blue collar, worker bee, gambler that worshiped the ground I walked on.
If I married him next week.
When it came to Dre he was different. He read books and was always trying to teach himself something new. He was constantly putting me up on interesting things to do or read. When I was with him I felt like I was growing, I was learning, I was changing. I could talk to him about poetry and politics and just any random intellectual thing. When I was with others I talked, whenever I was with him I just wanted to listen. To soak up anything he had to say.
James wanted to talk about football and the walking dead.
I used to love how simple he was because he slowed me down, taught me to breathe in between my 18 credit undergrad schedule right before graduation. He’s also the same one that slaved away in a plant to pay bills while I worked less to concentrate on school. And Id like to add he never complained.
On the other hand, I think about how many events I made an excuse as to why I should go alone to avoid putting him in uncomfortable “beyond his intellectual capabilities” conversations with college know-it-alls. At that time in my life he worked, we worked, he was just what I needed.
But now it felt like he and I were at a standstill.
With me and Dre, It was almost like neither of our partners were enough on their own so we needed each other to fill the void. I was the exact opposite of everything his girlfriend was. Outspoken, spontaneous, I think we both loved that we could talk each other’s heads off about any and everything, not to mention crazy, incredible, in random places sex.
We kept them in a fantasy world and would sneak away to reality to be with each other. Only tonight, my worlds collided.
I hadn’t talked to James since he stormed off so I didn’t know just how much damage I needed to clean up. Or if I should just throw the whole damn universe away and start over.
I left Dre’s house and decided to go home to face the music. On the way there I took Dre’s advice and prayed.
“Lord God I know I have sinned, and I know I know better but I am so confused lord. Please give me clarity and a sound mind. Break me free from these soul ties I have formed giving my body away that is clouding my judgment. Lord, PLEASE give me a sign, a sign so clear and obvious even Stevie Wonder could see lord if I should marry this man, and in Jesus name, I pray, AMEN!” I said aloud.
I know Jesus looking at me like:
I walked in the house half expecting James to pop out like:
But instead, he was eerily calm, sitting in the living room as if he was waiting for me.
“So how long you been fucking this nigga?” he asked me.
“A couple of months,” I replied quietly, he deserved the truth.
“So is that what you want? This is the type of relationship you want?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” I replied confused.
“An open relationship, an open marriage is that what you want?” he stated seriously.
“Wait, what?” I responded genuinely confused.
“Look I love you, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. Im not going to lose you so if this is what you want Im with it.” he replied.
I couldn’t tell if he was serious or not. I didn’t know what to say, getting married just to be in an open relationship didn’t make sense but at the same time, I could continue to have my cake and eat it too. Of course, him knowing totally changes the rush I was getting from him not knowing.
I was expecting to come in and see his stuff packed not him creating some sort of open relationship treaty. It was really disturbing and I wasn’t quite sure if this was the sign I asked for. If anything it just showed how much James loved me. He was willing to share me with another man just to have me. I had barely let him touch me in the last couple of weeks, I only wanted Dre.
Sometimes when Dre and I would be into it I would start an argument with James just so he could leave me alone! I cheated on him because he wasn’t enough. Now here he is being okay with not being enough for me. I guess that should have made me love him even more, right?
Him speaking pulled me out of my trance.
“Besides, I have some family coming up and they’ve already taken off work, and paid for flights, my mom is super excited, this wedding is happening.” he said it as if I had no choice.
I guess this was my sign, what could be a bigger sign than a man being willing to rearrange the whole institute of marriage to accommodate his cheating fiance and her work lover?
Next week I was going to be Mrs. Johnson. Mrs. Johnson who can sleep with other johnsons and that’s fine with Mr.Johnson.
“Okay baby,” I replied with a smile, “whatever makes you happy.”
To be continued….
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