We were getting closer and closer to the date James set for our wedding. I had been having so much fun with Dre I hadn’t even thought about it much. Every time James brought up the wedding I changed the subject or just tuned him out. But I couldn’t avoid it today because we were going to look for a wedding dress for me and a tux for him.
“Is this really necessary?” I asked “We’re just going to the courthouse we dont have to be super dressed up.” I said in protest.
“Yes Rhea, I already feel bad I cant give you the wedding of your dreams. I refuse to marry you not dressed my best and you not in a white dress” he said firmly. “Just relax, I got this,” he said taking my hand and kissing it.
“Well you arent supposed to see my dress before the wedding so how is this going to work,?” I asked trying to perk up for him as he pulled into Davids Bridal parking lot.
“Dont worry I wont,” he said as we walked into the store. Before I could even get all the way in the door I heard my friends anf family scream out “Rhea! Surprise!” and they ran to embrace me in a hug.
My best friends were there, my favorite older cousin Rose, my grandmother, and my mother! He brought everybody out.
“Babe you’re so perfect,” I said hugging him.
“I try”, he said and kissed me on the cheek. “Ill get out of you ladies way and let you pick out this dress,” he said before he walked out the door.
Laughs, tears, and twenty dresses later we finally decided on something. It was cute but courthouse appropriate, and I was satisfied with my purchase. My friends and few family members that attended started to file out but my cousin Rose who I hadn’t seen in forever pulled me to the side before she left.
“Baby cousin I am so happy for you,” she said with a smile.
“Thank you” I responded a little dryly.
“So you’re about to be a married woman. I want to tell you to not take that role lightly. It comes with great responsibility and sacrifice” she said.
“How do you know if you’re marrying the right person?” I asked. “How do you know if its right?
“Baby cousin contrary to popular belief it takes a hell of a lot more to make a marriage work than just being in love. Hell falling in love is the easy part, its the staying in love part that you have to work at every day. Its loving each other through financial hardships, its humbling yourself and doing things you may not want to do. Its sharing bank accounts, and debt, and making health insurance and life insurance decisions together. Its apologizing when you might not necessarily be wrong. Its work, and if you arent ready for it there is nothing wrong with taking your time baby. This is going to be a lifelong commitment and if you aren’t willing to put in the work I would say at this time getting married is not for you.” she said.
I know getting married means till death do us part. I guess because I didn’t have a ring for so long and we weren’t having a real wedding it didnt hit me until just now, standing here, with my newly purchased wedding dress, talking to my older cousin about marriage and what being married means; that marriage may not be for me.
Lifetime commitment kept replaying in my head and I felt like a ton of bricks hit me.
All I kept imagining was the rest of my life being like this:
My chest got tight and it got hard for me to breath. I lost my balance and just kind of fell to the floor. I was literally choking about to die inside of Davids Bridal.
One of the Davids Bridal employees saw me about to die and ran over.
“OMG is she okay Im going to call 911.” she asked.
I hopped up so fast.
“You got some 911 money?” I asked still trying to calm my breathing.
“Not necessary, I am not paying for an ambulance ride. Ill be okay, thank you,” I said trying to get myself together.
I had no clue where this panic attack came from. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was how Carrie felt when she broke out in hives over her and Aiden getting married. Was it cold feet about getting married in general? Normal wedding jitters? Or cold feet about who I was marrying?
Time would only tell…..
To be continued…..
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